What in God's name has happened to the weather NOW? Yesterday, sunny and reasonably warm, now we appear to be in the grip of an Arctic winter. I know living in the U.K teaches us to expect the unexpected, but THIS is ridiculous. 

I always sleep (well lie awake actually) with the windows wide open, Summer or Winter it doesn't matter, last night for the first time that I can remember, I actually had to shut the windows, much to the relief of everyone else I'm sure, I always thought BLUE was the natural colour people took on when they slept :o)

It's a pity that I appear to be able to help the dog, but can't sort the weather out, now THAT would be newsworthy.  I can think of a few people I would like to make it rain on..... a lot.

I'm actually going to have a go at going out into the big wide world, for the first time today, I have holiday shopping to do, and my daughters Birthday present to buy, it's going to be a shock I think, as the only outside influences I have had for months, consist of little tiny fonts and the odd smiley here and there.

I assume the real world is actually still there is it?  I know the garden is O.K, so that much of the world is still intact, but I haven't seen anyone other than family for months, this is ridiculous, I'm going to HAVE to go and check, what if they've all gone....... and not told me....... and then it'll be just me, and a semi cured dog, and the PC!!!!! 

L8rs

Something very strange has just happened................. For as long as I can remember, I have had this odd "gift" of being able to see things that haven't happened yet, it was always something that was a bit of a joke in the family, and my husband once joked that a couple of hundred years ago, I would have been burnt as a witch!!

I seem to have a second sight, which I know I share with millions of others, so I am in no way unique.  Tonight however something really odd happened, I had a strange warm sensation in my hands, and for some reason put my hands on my Dad's old and rather lame dog, who has been living with us.  He is very old and has great difficulty walking........... I put my hands on his back legs, and after a few minutes, he jumped up.............. I can't explain how weird this is to you, as you would have to SEE the performance he usually goes through, just to STAND, as I write this, he's trotting up and down the landing, wagging his tail, and looking like a different dog! 

When I say he's lame, I MEAN he's lame, we usually have to help him to stand, and  he is so unsteady we are going to have to gate a child safety gate to stop him trying to use the stairs, as he is always falling down them, so to see him behaving like this is weird to say the least, I don't know who's more surprised ME or HIM lol.

Perhaps THIS is what I'm supposed to do......... maybe it's a one off, who knows, but I certainly feel different right now....... I have the feeling of KNOWING  things that I didn't have before, and before you ask...... I haven't been drinking, I've never found an alcoholic drink that I actually enjoy yet.

This looks really weird written down, but I just HAD to share it.

Right, I have decided I am going to try AGAIN to pull myself together. 

The sun is shining, which is always a help, I am going to Malta with my husband and some friends in 4 weeks, and I am going to try to raise the enthusiasm to look forward to it.  I know this must make me sound like a complete brat, but honestly I'm not, usually I get overexcited about EVERYTHING, it's just at the moment, nothing seems exciting at all.  Today I'm going to try though, I'm not quite sure where to start but I'm going to give it a go.

This is the thing with depression it's so unfair on everyone else, you are totally absorbed in your own misery, that life is passing you by, and it's not fair to those you love to let this happen without putting up a fight.

Depression is something that happens to other people, you read about it, say "Aww shame", and move on. NEVER again will I be guilty of that.  This is something that takes time, and effort to get over, I'm not sure about medication, I've been there and I wouldn't say that makes much difference.  The change HAS to come from within, you have to WANT to get better, and they can talk about "Chemical Imbalance" all they like, I still feel that the majority of depression starts in the HEART, if THAT'S broken or damaged, then you may have problems, so I'm going to start trying to repair mine, I don't know whether it's easier to fix than the mind, but I think there are fewer components that can go wrong, I mean............ just a few tubes, how hard can THAT be.

Anyway, while the sun is still shining, and I'm in the right mindset, I'm going to treat this day as a NEW day, and perhaps, to coin a tired old cliché, this will be the first day of the rest of my life!

O.K  I'm having a day off from manic depression, but I have a question to ask. 

The other day I ripped my earring out of my ear whilst yanking my jumper off, as a result it has ripped right through my ear, leaving me with a  very attractive split in my ear(not)  I hadn't realised what I had done until I found the earring and tried to put it back in, and it just kept on falling back out. 

What the hell can I do, go to the Dr's and get it stitched back together?  Stick a plaster on it, and hope it GROWS back together, or just spend the rest of my life with a plaster over it to cover it up???

Hardly life threatening,, but I hate it, any advice gratefully received.

Don't turn  your back upon me

Simply walk away

I'm still the same person, that I was yesterday

The "fault" for what has happened

Truly isn't mine

So why do you look uncomfortable

If you eyes lock onto mine ?

I WISH you'd stop and listen

At least let me explain

I know my eyes will glisten

And what I say may cause you pain

But please, be brave, and give me, just a minute, then you'll see

That underneath the quivering lip

I'm how I  used to be

So if my grief embarrasses you

I'll go back home and hide

I'll stay here for a month or two, until my tears have dried

And when all this is over

And my grief is not so raw

Perhaps you will feel  "safe" again

To come knocking at my door.

Mesage to my "friends" 

 I churn out stuff like this by the bucketload, some people scream and shout, I write poetry, oddly enough I find it calming, I have poems for every single traumatic time in my life....... I need to start a library I think

By Daisy