| Most Recent Posts MY PRO STORE IS OPEN FINALLY!Posted 06-Aug-08 02:29:12 BST JUST GIVING IT A SHOT. VISIT US AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. REMEMBER IT IS A WORK IN PROCESS. IF IT SEEMS A BIT CONSERVATIVE, WE JUST HAD A TROJAN HORSE INVADE OUR LAPTOP. WE ARE RECOVERED, BUT STILL WORKING OUT SOME MINOR BUGS. ANYWHO, INPUT IS WELCOME! THANKS GUYS, YOU'RE GREAT. BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE OVER 50 DON'T HAVE BABIES? THEY PUT THEM DOWN AND CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE THEY LEFT THEM! THAT'S WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF THE 2 MONKEYS. OK, ONE MORE, THEN OFF TO BED!Posted 19-Jul-08 04:04:19 BST A traffic policeman pulls over a car on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde driver. "Ma’am, why were you weaving all over the road?" "Oh officer" the woman replies "Thank goodness you're here! I almost had a terrible accident. Swerving to avoid a tree I looked up to see another tree right in front of me, so I pulled the car over to the right and there yet again was another tree in front of me." The copper nods then points to the thing dangling under the rear view mirror. "Ma'am", he says patiently, "That's your air freshener." There was once a very lonely man, who went home to his lonely house every night, ate his meal for one TV dinner and went to bed, alone. One day he decided that he would buy a pet to keep him company. So along he went to his local pet shop. He described his sad lonely existence to the shop-keeper who immediately said "I've got the perfect pet for you! He's a very special pet, doesn't take a lot of looking after and very friendly". "Excellent, I'll take it", said the man. The shopkeeper went out to the back of the shop and came back with a very small box, "Inside this is a talking centipede", he said. The man was delighted and intrigued; he paid for the centipede and took the little creature home. Later that evening, he set the centipede on the kitchen table and said, "Hi there matey, I'm off to the pub for a pint, do you fancy joining me?” there was no answer from the centipede. Still the man put it down to the centipede being in a new environment, "best let him get used to his new home" the man thought. The next day the man set the centipede on the table and asked him again if he would like to accompany him to the pub - still no answer. Still acclimatising thought the man. The following day, the man tried again, thinking that if he still got no answer from the so-called "talking" centipede he'd take him back to the shop. So he put the centipede on the table and said, "hey there, I'm off to the pub, do you fancy coming with me?" To which the centipede replied, "I heard you the first time I was just putting my shoes on!" Two vampire bats, Boris and Fred, wake after a days sleep, really hungry. They both fly off into the night to search for food. Fred searches everywhere for food and cannot find a thing, not even a mouse.....after a couple of hours he is really, really hungry. He bumps into Boris whose mouth is dripping with blood. "It is so unfair", said Fred "I want to know how to do that!!!".... So Boris says, "come on the I will show you!!” They both fly off over a graveyard, then a field and then they were soon flying over a forest. Boris says " see that huge tree down there in the middle of the forest?" "Yes" says Fred... "Well I didn't!!!!!!!" says Boris... Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign, you sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Get lost!" and shuts the door in the Japanese man's face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, get lost!! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" then slams the door in the Japanese man's face again. The following day Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hears a knock on the door again. Upon opening the door, the little Japanese man thrusts the same clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO large trucks full of wing mirrors. Nelson loses his temper completely, picks the little man up by his shirtfront and yells at him, "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! Who do you want to give these to?" The little Japanese man looks at him a bit puzzled, consults his clipboard, And says: "You not Nissan Main dealer?" goodnite seattle! your nightly gigglesPosted 19-Jul-08 03:53:34 BST
an Australian (both guys), a young blonde lady, and a little old lady. The train goes into a tunnel & a few seconds later there's the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Australian has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: "That Australian must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek." The blonde thinks: "That Australian must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady. She slapped his cheek" The Australian thinks: "That South African must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead." The South African thinks: "I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can slap that bloody Aussie again."
the time' she says. 'It doesn't smell and it's silent but it's very uncomfortable. In fact, I've done it 20 times since coming in'. The doc thinks for a minute then gives her a prescription. He tells her 'try taking these pills for a week then come back and see me'. A week later, Mrs Harris marches in, more embarrassed than ever. 'Doctor, I don't know what was in the pills but my problem is worse than ever - and now it stinks too!' 'Calm down!' says the doc. 'Now we've sorted out your sinuses, we'll see to your hearing'.
just a thought.
WHO NEEDS A BIKE?Posted 19-Jul-08 03:43:56 BST SO THE BIKE THING DIDN'T WORK FOR ME ON EBAY. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE (HAD) SOME NICE VINTAGE BIKES, I GET THEM CHEAPLY (EVEN FREE) AND PUT VERY LITTLE INTO THEM. IT'S RARE THAT I HAVE TO PUT A PART ON ONE, MUCH LESS AN EXPENSIVE PART. THE PROBLEM IS, I SELL MOST OF MY BIKES FOR UNDER $50, AND THE SHIPPING IS CLOSE TO $100! PEOPLE WOULD ASK ABOUT SHIPPING EVEN AFTER I SAID LOCAL PICK-UP ONLY. I GAVE UP AFTER A FEW TRIES. I HAD A COUPLE OF REALLY NICE ONES, AND A GUY DROVE UP FROM LEXINGTON KY TO GET ONE, AND ANOTHER FROM FRANKFORT KY. I LIVE NEAR CINCY, SO I WAS VERY SURPRISED. I'VE STARTED LISTING THEM ON KIJIJI, AND GOTTEN GOOD RESPONSE. I HAVE CHECKED ALL OVER, AND SHORT OF BURNING THEM AND SENDING ASHES (WHICH WOULD RUIN A GOOD PAIR OF BIKE SHORTS), THERE SEEMS TO BE NO AFFORDABLE WAY TO SHIP AFFORDABLE BIKES. IF I WERE SELLING $3000.00 BIKES, MAYBE. ANYONE WANT A USED HUFFY FOR $3000.00? FREE SHIPPING!! THAT'S WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF THE 2 MONKEYS. SERIOUSLY FOR A MOMENTPosted 17-Jul-08 21:56:04 BST I'VE BEEN READING SOME POSTS ABOUT THE P.O. MESSING UP SOME PACKAGES AND BREAKING THINGS. MY SISTER WENT TO THE POST OFFICE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AND WAS DEBATING ON FLAT RATE OR WHAT. THE LADY BEHIND THE DESK TOLD HER THAT THE FLAT RATE BOXES ARE INTENTIONALLY ABUSED BY MAIL CARRIERS. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I'VE NOTICED THAT ITEMS EITHER ARRIVE TO ME IN POOR CONDITION, OR MY CUSTOMER RESPONSE IS VERY RESERVED AS OPPOSED TO SHIPPING BY PARCEL POST. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. UPS IS WORSE, AND I NEED BOTH KIDNEYS, SO I DON'T GO TO FEDX. OH WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS KIJIJI! THAT'S WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF THE 2 MONKEYS. |
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